Maunawili [Try Not to] Falls

This post is brought to you by Gain detergent and Ivory soap.

I've been wanting to hike to Maunawili Falls since before I moved to Oahu. It just sounded like so much fun: trekking through a rain forest to get to the waterfall where you could jump into a pool of water. Doesn't get any more aloha than that.

I debated doing the hike alone for several weeks and decided against it. It just seemed like one of those things that would be more fun if shared with people you love.

Then I tried to get the people I love motivated about it, but I was really the only enthusiastic one. Fortunately, there's a super-cool skate park down the road from the hike that the kids wanted to try out. I suggested a quick roll around the park, followed by a hike to Maunawili Falls.

The skate park turned out to be too good and it was after 3:00 before I could get them off the ramps. We headed straight over, but I had a nervous feeling in my gut that we wouldn't be done with the 3.5 mile hike before nightfall. We all changed into hiking shoes and set off, only to be stopped by a man walking his dog, who pointed at the sky and said all Yoda-like: Rain is coming.

Right at the trailhead, lay a warning of what lay ahead for us: a pile of cast-off shoes and clothing thick with mud piled below the sign. As soon as we entered the canopy, the rain started. I told everyone that by the time it filtered through all the trees above us, it would be no more than an annoying trickle.

And they believed me.

We kept on.

Muddy is not what I would call this trail. Muddy would be nice. I would take muddy. This was like mud squared. This was like mud bitten by a radioactive spider. Groups of people who had completed the hike were coming the other way looking like sci-fi creatures, frightening us all about what lay beyond the next bend. Then we would take the next bend to find steps and roots coated in slick mud. We were all sliding around in it as rain ran down our faces. Husband, with his impeccable balance, even took a spill, hurting his old-man shoulder.

After about fifteen minutes of sheer terror, slipping around the muddy path, over muddy rocks, down muddy embankments, we finally came to a stream. I wiped water from my eyes, left a trail of mud on my cheeks and said: This is nice. I'm happy we're doing this. Husband looked at me with raised eyebrows. Daughter began to cry. Two men came around the bend and said: Be careful up ahead, it's really slippery, dot--dot--dot.

Husband called it off and turned the family around to slide our way back to the car.

Maunawili Falls:1
Sessoms: 0

Better luck next time.

Have Paddle, Will Travel

Stars aligned recently and Husband got a day off work while kids were in school. If this sort of thing were to happen on the mainland, it would be one exciting day of shopping at Target and then eating lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. Whoo doggy! Here on Hawaii, though, we like to spend these gifted moments on our SUPs, this time to visit one of the Mokes.

There are two of these islands off the coast of Lanikai and they are collectively called Moku-something-or-other, I could look it up, but it's a whole thing and you people will forgive me if I don't, right? You can explore the big Moke, but the little one is kapu or forbidden.

The Mokes are beautiful to gaze at from land and probably one of the big reasons why Lanikai is frequently cited as the most beautiful beach in America/the World/the Milky Way/the known universe/the unknown universe and I've been dying to see them up close.

Parking is a beast at Lanikai, so we took off right after the kids left for school to beat all the lazy tourists who wanted a little sleep-in on their vacations. Ha! Suckers! There's only street parking and it's really awkward parking in what feels like someone's yard and then trekking through the beach access right next to their kitchen window, especially when you have two large SUPs with you, but it's so calm and serene there, with no shore break to fight, and is the perfect place to launch.

Lanikai really is beautiful with it's clear aqua water and the softest sand you will ever feel in your life, but I'm not a huge fan. Smells a little too much like money for my taste, somehow lacking in authenticity. Authenticity of what? I have no clue. Just some sort of authenticity is missing. By the way, my kids HATE Lanikai and if anyone even mentions it, they go off on a tirade of how boring it is. So if you have older kids, you're probably better off at Kailua Beach which has more boogie board action.

We launched with no problems and I was immediately in this idyllic state, almost giddy with disbelief that I was so blessed to be able to do such a thing. The sea was calm as a lake near shore, there was no wind to fight, and I had improved my ability to go straight. The good thing about SUP is that it's no big deal if you fall. It's not like riding a bike. It won't hurt a bit if you fall, you just climb back on. The only problem with riding SUPs in Lanikai is the coral that lines the bottom of the ocean floor. It can make it really shallow in some spots and every time I came to a shallow spot, I would panic for a minute, because I absolutely could not fall there right on top of a bed of coral. I never did, but had a few close calls.

The closer we got to the Mokes, the heavier the surf got and I dropped to my knees to paddle through the waves. When we neared the beach, two surfs came together from opposite directions and crashed in the middle. Of course, beginner that I am, I found myself right where they crashed. The first two times they crashed on me, I held on and stayed on the board, but third time was not a charm and sent me head over heels into the waves. I was shallow enough, so I tried to push the board in, while also holding my paddle, but the coral was too slippery. and I kept losing my grip while the waves continued to pound me from both sides. Luckily, there was a couple hanging out on the beach who got to see the whole, clumsy affair, so I was happy to bring some laughter into their day. The man (a very nice British gent) finally came to my rescue and got my paddle for me so I could concentrate on holding up my bikini bottoms that kept threatening to run away.


We were treated to a nice surprise at once, a large monk seal was sunning itself on the island. Just enjoying a lazy day. Husband and I gave him a wide berth and walked around the island, as far as we could get with bare feet, appreciating the danger around every corner. Something about Hawaii no one ever tells you: you get the sense of how easy it would be to die. We gazed out over a rocky cliff, I looked at Husband and said: "Now, this is Hawaii."

We paddled back and headed to The Shack in Kailua to replenish all those spent calories with a pitcher of IPA, a philly cheese steak, and some onion rings. Sigh. Lucky I live Hawaii.

Sea [Not Such a Great] Life Park

We got a blessed Saturday recently that had nary a soccer game in sight. This is a rare thing in Hawaii where the weather is nice enough to play soccer year-round. And they do. We had planned on an epic beach day, but heard that Sea Life Park was celebrating their 50th anniversary and rolled back admission prices to what they were 50 years ago, $2.64. This is an O-K discount from the normal $35 a person, so we decided to hop on it.

Sea Life Park is like a mini Sea World, only set in the most beautiful piece of earth known to man. I had no desire to go, but it was practically free. Unfortunately, every single other person on Oahu had the same idea. We had to park on the side of the highway and play chicken with traffic, our three kids in tow, to make it to the entrance, but it was only $2.64.

The weird thing about Sea Life Park is that you can see most of the animals out in the wild just steps away for nothing and it's way cooler. I mean, I was completely underwhelmed by the sea turtles swimming around in their tiny pool. I see those all the time on my SUP and it's magical to witness them in the sea where they belong. In a tiny pool, it's just sad. But it was only $2.64.

The kids liked the sea lions, but I just saw a "for real" monk seal sunning on the shore of the Mokes and I just wanted to pull a Free Willy and get them out of the concrete prison they were in.

There was a dolphin show and I pushed past the throngs to try to get a seat 30 minutes before the show and it was already completely full. Not even standing room. No one even cared that I genuinely love dolphins and even have a dolphin tattoo. Come on people! I had a needle inserted into my skin to inject ink in the shape of a dolphin, I deserve to see the show!

No dice. And daughter took the best place on Husband's shoulders. Maybe if I had flowing locks of curly blond hair and a smattering of freckles across my pert nose I could have seen the show too.

I took off with the boys to look at the penguins. Because...it's Hawaii, so...yeah....penguins. Whatever. And soon Husband and traitor Daughter joined us and we decided we were too hungry to stay and too poor to pay $15 for a burger.

We pushed our way through the massive crowds to the exit and I did happen to notice some beautiful murals on the way out. I wish I had seen them sooner because I really wanted to sit and appreciate them. Only a girl with an art history degree comes to a place like Sea Life Park and takes pictures of murals. They really were stunning, though.

Since the entire island was at Sea Life Park, we snuck off to our favorite SUPER-SECRET BEACH whose name I will not reveal here because it is perfect and majestic and I don't want anyone else to know about it. If you come visit me I'll take you, but you will have to be blindfolded first. We breathed in the salt air, swam in the sea, and appreciated the realness of the world around, feeling Hawaii for the first time that day.

Aloha and Other Things I'll Never Fully Understand

There's this thing about living here, this thing about this place, this "'aina," that makes you feel something, makes you use words like 'aina instead of land. You realize how useless translation is. 'Aina doesn't just mean "land," it means land, this place, right here, the ground beneath your feet, come with me, run your fingers through the sand, taste the salt in the water, breathe the air, and you will know it. That's what 'aina means.

Then there's aloha--the most untranslatable word of them all. Not merely love, or hello, or goodbye, but breath and life and simply caring and feeling and 'aina and yes, love, and hello and see you later, but also understanding and acceptance and compassion and peace, but not in the I'm-a-hippie-who's-dropped-too much-acid-and-yeah-man-peace sort of way, but really peace.

It's almost too much for my mainlander brain to grasp. And I'm a sensitive chick.

When I first got word that we were coming here, I asked Husband, "Do you think I can lose 50 pounds before then?" He shook his weary head, rolled his weary eyes, sighed, and replied, "I'm sure you'll try." I gained 10, so...close enough. It's funny, though, to look back on that now and how silly that was, how silly that I let something like the size of my tummy take up so much of my brainpower.

This place will do that to you. Put things in perspective.

I have an inspiration board above the desk where First Son does homework. One of the pieces of inspiration is a simple card with the word perspective typed out inverted. He asked me about it and I got teary-eyed explaining how that upside-down perspective was the most important thing on the inspiration board. You have to learn to see things differently. Sometimes things aren't really that bad, just the way you're looking at them is bad. He nodded with that crease between his eyes and then went back to work on his engineering essay, but I hope he understood. I hope it got into some crack of his mind.

And I hope it gets into some crack of my mind as well. I hope the aloha and 'aina will seep into my bones, give me a new perspective, and when my time here is done (because it will be done, I don't belong to this place and it doesn't belong to me) I hope I can bring it back with me and eek it out in my life. Just a little bit, just a drop, a smudge of aloha, a thimble of 'aina, could change the world.  

Musubi Baby!

First Son is on a soccer team that's pretty hardcore. They don't do anything halfway, which has been an adjustment for both First Son and myself--we do everything halfway and are full believers in the it's-good-enough philosophy.

This team is serious about their soccer and their after-soccer snacks. Back on the mainland, the kids get a bag of gummies and a Capri Sun after games. Here, they get a full meal. No lie. Hamburgers, sub sandwiches, fried chicken, and the all-time favorite: Spam Musubi.

I'm delicious. Really, I am.

Just so you know how regularly I disappoint those I love, I must tell you that I was calling this Spam Mus-a-bi, rhymes with wasabi and so my whole family started calling it Spam Mus-a-bi. I made some for the kids to take to school and they came home horrified that I had taught them the wrong way to pronounce it. So we're clear, it's Spam Musubi, rhymes with...boobie. Yes, I am the parent of a nine-year-old boy.

The first time we saw this we almost died with laughter--Spam and rice wrapped in seaweed, indeed! I took pics and posted them to Facebook to prove to my family and friends that I had in fact moved to another planet--this is what they give the kids after soccer. Then I took a bite and laughed no more.

 Daughter was all, "Meh," but my boys were instantly, deeply, and unabashedly in love. I was pretty enthralled myself. I knew I must learn how to make it, or else...buy it at the quick stop. Really, they sell these things everywhere on Oahu. But it's fun to make and the kids love to help.

To make Spam Musubi you need a Musubi mold. You can get these anywhere in Hawaii, but if you live on the mainland, you would probably have to send off for one. Or come visit me and you can have one of mine. I accidentally bought two because I thought I bought the wrong thing the first time and I hate dealing with Customer Service and refuse to return it.

So I was making twenty here and used two cans of Spam. Start by cutting them each into ten slices, 'cause it's kind of the perfect thickness.*

I promise I'm not human flesh.

Then you make a marinade--soy sauce and brown sugar, just however much you want.* Marinate the Spam in the soy sauce, brown sugar marinade for about fifteen minutes. I know. Marinated Spam. It's the wave of the future.

"I'm so fancy..."

While waiting for the Spam to marinate, go ahead and pour a Newcastle, because. Just do it. Trust me. It's the Hawaii way.

We're not Hawaiian, but you can still love us.

Or make the rice. Whatever. I honestly don't know how much rice. I made a butt-load for supper and just used what we didn't eat. And yes, butt-load is a mathematical term.*

This is an official "butt-load"

While all that is happening, take ten sheets of nori seaweed and cut them in half. Second Son loves this stuff and eats it straight from the bag, so I buy it in bulk from Costco.

Just another edible paper hanging out waiting to feel useful.

After Spam has marinated, cook it up in a frying pan until it's nice and brown and doesn't resemble human flesh.*

Look at how yummy I can be!

Gather your supplies: cooked Spam, butt-load of rice, Musubi mold, Furikake (rice seasoning), seaweed, and a bowl of water. By the way, while getting this stuff together, a mash-up of Payphone and Call Me Maybe played on Pandora. Why, Music? Why? I was just starting to trust you again.

Start by laying a sheet of seaweed shiny-side down. Place the Musubi mold in the middle and fill it with rice. Take the Musubi smusher and smush the rice down, pack it down super good, these need to be sturdy.

"Yeah, smush it..."

Sprinkle the smushed rice with Furikake and top with cooked Spam.

"Smush it real good."

Smush it all down again, carefully remove Musubi mold, and pry smusher off top.

"Yeah, you really got me going." I'll stop now.

Take sheet of nori and wrap up your Musubi really tight like a present. (OMG, Husband and kids are watching super-sad movie and I'm hoping salty tears will make Musubi taste even more delicious. So. Sad.)

Moisten fingers and seal it with water (or tears). Then, boo-yah (I just said boo-yah), you have Spam Musubi.

Wrap it up with plastic wrap and hide from First and Second Son because it will suddenly disappear.

* Just so we're clear, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Just kind of winging in...like I do in my writing, and parenting, and this whole life thing.