Planning.
Giggling.
Obsessive Googling.
Ridiculous happiness.
Fear.
Panic.
What the hell was I thinking?
I change my mind.
This is the worst decision I ever made.
I should never be allowed to make decisions ever again.
I was right! It's horrible!
I want my old life back.
Okay, it could be worse.
Oh. That was nice.
Aw.
Sigh.
I love this new life.
Maybe all big life changes are like that to a certain extent, but the main thing babies and Hawaii have in common is that I was unable to talk about the horribleness (it's a word) of it all. Because it's true, moving to Hawaii is winning the lottery, and by doing so I gave up my right to ever complain about anything for the rest of my natural life.
Fair enough. I probably complained too much anyway.
I've been on the island for about four months and it has revealed a lot to me in its subtle waves. The island likes to be subtle like that...or maybe I just like to read too much into things. Point being, happiness and contentment in life are not dependent on where you live. Hawaii isn't Disney World. It's a real place with real people who deal with real issues. Problems that I brought with me in my flawed being did not disappear into the ether the moment the plane touched down in Honolulu, I just have a prettier place to struggle.
So, if you're feeling like Hawaii is perfect just remember...I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning to watch NFL football and it takes me an hour to drive the five miles to the soccer field and I miss my mom.... It's not where you live your life, it's how you live it.
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